Stormy Weather.

STORM.

One has just ended. One is coming.

Many are ahead. Many are behind us.

The word STORM has come up more times that I would like to recount in the passed week.

In nature. In family. In friendships. In my relationship with the Lord.

What are these storms? What will I learn from them? How will they change me?

This time pondering storms began with in this moment:

Last week I went to the First Light shelter in Birmingham and spent some time talking with and loving on the women of this ministry.
A sweet woman, lets call her Gladice, was sharing with me her testimony. Filled with abuse and despair- Gladice’s life is one that has had many a storm.
This sweet sister looked at me with tear-filled eyes and grabbed my hands. She then said a phrase that dug its way quickly to my core…
“Little girl- Storms ARE coming in life. Big and small- we can’t hide from them. I have tried- they force there way in. But God is with us in them. Saves us from them.
The storms aren’t as scary knowing we always have Jesus to cover our heads and keep us from harm”

Incredible. Re-read that. Truth in those words.

I love words and knowing the meaning of them.

Definition of Storm-
Noun: A violent disturbance of the atmosphere with strong winds and usually rain, thunder, lightning, or snow.
Verb: Move angrily or forcefully in a specified direction

Synonyms of Storm:
Tempest. Gale. Assault. Rage.

All negative.
Angry. Disturbing. Strong. Rage. Specific.

I cannot name one “storm” in my life that I have craved.
I have never cried out to the Lord…Send a violent season to me! Disturb my days! Specifically bring destruction and hurt to my life!

None the less- Storms have come. God has been good- never failed me.
And at the end of each storm a lesson was learned and a heart was molded to look more like Jesus and less like this world.

God allows the storms. Uses them in our lives to humble us, draw us to Himself, and remind us that He is a refuge for us.

I think of the storms that are going on in my life and spirit right now-
Some are heavier than others- All of them are keeping me up at night.

((( Venting time- Night time is when the storms are the hardest for me to bear. I worry. I do not sleep. The “thunder” is the loudest then.)))

Now… for the HOPE in the STORMS that I, more than ever, need to be reminded of.


Luke 8:22-25

Jesus Calms a Storm

" 22 One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, 23 and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. 24 And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. 25 He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”


I read this just this morning and got so frustrated with the men in the boat.
Why didn’t they just trust Jesus to calm the storm?
Why did they believe that they were perishing when Jesus was right beside them?

They knew He could do it. They knew He was in control.
They knew that in His time the storm would pass and they would be safe.
Why in the world didn’t they trust him?

I put my hazelnut coffee down on the coffee table.
Stood up.
Looked at myself in the mirror… (Literally…judge not)
And said…

“Amy. Marie. Houston. Byrd.
Why are you not trusting Jesus to calm the storms.
You know He can do it. You know He is in control.
You know that in His time the storm will pass and you will be safe.
Why in the WORLD aren’t you trusting him?”

Y’all. Why is it so hard to live out daily the hope we HAVE in Jesus?

People will Leave. Fail. Disappoint. Hurt.
Jesus will not.

Life will be complicated. Ever changing. Unpredictable.
Jesus is never-changing.

Storms will Pound us. Move us. Scare us.
Jesus will be refuge.

I guess in all of this I am trying to say to you-
What are your storms?

Don’t say you don’t have any. You do. You will.
To quote Gladice- “Storms ARE coming. Big and Small”

One of my dearest friends, Kelsie, and I were running errands this passed Saturday and found ourselves in the midst of a conversation that both encouraged me and drew me quickly to the feet of Jesus.

We just both admitted that we have know clue what life the Lord has ahead of us. We know that there will be difficult days where we feel like we have been defeated.
We know many days will be filled with joy and blessings. And the unknown was almost too much for either of us to verbalize....however...we both encouraged and reminded each other that our Savior has gone before us and made a way.

Our God will prepare us for the storms. He will be with us in all of our days and as we take each of our steps.

I pray that today as you weather the storms that may consume your heart that you may find hope in Christ who is our refuge and strength. That we could place our trust in a God whose timing is infallible and whose plan is intentional. Our God is ever present in our time of need. Lean on Him. Let Him hold you up and be your strength.

Free at last...

"Oh Lord- surely you would not ask me to give up these plans. This person. This dream."
"Father- you would certainly not ask of me to let go of such an incredible opportunity"
"Jesus- you would not ask of me to say goodbye to something I hold so dear"


Welcome, brothers and sisters, into the depths of my most recent prayers and cries of my heart.

God is teaching me what it is to surrender.
What it feels like to let go of things that I am holding in my hands so tightly...
to release my grip would is quite a task...

What are these things I am holding to so tightly you ask?
They are quite simple, really.

Have you ever prayed to our Lord and said...

"Father, Use me! Send me! However- please do not send me anywhere where I cannot easily communicate with my family or the ones I love..."

or...

"Dear Lord, Here I am. Take my life at any cost. But please do not ask me to give up my dreams of becoming...etc...etc..."

I am SO often conditional in my surrender.

But by definition- surrender has no conditions.
If I am to surrender-I am to SURRENDER ALL.
Give it up.
Pass it along.
Open my grip and keep my hand flat and fingers apart.

This task is one that can be done only by the help of a God who honors obedience and asks us to trust Him with our spirits and souls.


WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING SO TIGHTLY?
A relationship? A dream? A fear? An opportunity?

I had the opportunity to go to Passion in Atlanta two weeks ago and worship with 45,000 of my closest friends and neighbors.
Overwhelming to say the least.

On the first night of worship- as I sat in the very tip top of the Georgia dome- the Lord placed in front of me an anthem...
Specifically for me. (Out of all those people...neat huh?)

LET IT BE MY JOY TO SAY...YOUR WILL...YOUR WAY...ALWAYS.

My mouth dropped. I could not sing these words- not until I swallowed what my words meant.
This is exactly the kind of prayer I have been avoiding.
I was moved to see the words cross the screen-
and honestly ticked off that the Lord was picking on me.
Getting to me in a place where I can all but avoid exactly what He was trying to tell me.

"Amy- Give up. Surrender. Follow me. Trust me."

I would love to say that my desires and the Lord's always parallel-
that MY WAY and the LORDS WAY are always the same.

But that is most often not the case.

The Lord's way is tried and true a better way. The best way.
However-it is so hard to give up our plans and the ways that we saw our lives to play out...

I cannot help but think of Paul.

Did this brother in Christ imagine that one day God would place Him in a jail cell?
Was this a part of Paul's (or younger Saul's) dream?

I doubt it.

Somewhere along Paul's journey he grasped a concept that I so desperately want to cling to myself-
To live is Christ. To die is gain.

Here these words of SURRENDER that he wrote while in a jail cell-


But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
(Philippians 3:7-11 ESV)

O. My. Word.

Father may my heart me so in tune with your very spirit that I can truly count EVERYTHING as a loss.
Because you are worthy.

Letting go will be tough. My hands being opened and forced a part will be trying-
but at the end of that process there will be a life that is totally surrendered to the will of a God who is intentional and good.


Father God- Loosen my grip. Help me trust you and count all that I consider dear a loss compared to You. In you there is life abundant and all that I need. My very spirit is not mine- but is yours to mold, lead, guide and move. Have your way in me. Restore my soul for your name sake. Amen.


Free at last, I surrender all I am with opened hands.

The Kid

I will admit that this post is totally unlike the others that I normally put up, however, this is a topic that I cannot help but share my thoughts on!

One of my dearest forever-friends has been blessed with an incredible opportunity and I am beyond proud.

To describe this man as a dear friend does not begin to scratch the surface of what he has meant to my heart in the years that I have known him. He is a brother. ( and a wonderful one at that.)

We do not talk everyday and I never know what state he is in- but I know that if/when I need him that he will be at my side in a flash with a sarcastic joke and word of wisdom.

This brother is Ryan Kinder.

Ryan has had dreams of writing and playing music for as long as I have known him. If my math is correct- He has been in my life for about 11 years- all the while passing new song lyrics in drivers ed for me to read and emailing me ideas for new songs he would like to tackle.

We have seen him play at battle of the bands, beauty walks, college parties, beach hang outs, comedy clubs, work play, high school lunch rooms...and that is just to name a few :)

Ryan's passion and drive for writing music that is solid and raw is an incredible blessing.
He is a gifted former of thoughts and does so beautifully in the songs that he is written and music he has made.
To know his heart is to read the lyrics of his tunes.

The road to get Ryan from where he started to where he is now has been a long one-
many a day where the "future" and the "dreams" seemed impossible- out of reach- and so far away that frustration was the only option.
This kid pressed on. Didn't quit and has given all those who doubted that he could do this a little punch in the gut.

A few weeks ago I got a phone call from Ryan with some sweet news that we have been waiting for/praying for/hoping for. I sat in my car with tears in my eyes thinking about the journey behind him and the life ahead of him.

Ryan signed to a record label and the opportunities/experiences that he has ahead are sure to be challenging and incredible. They will change his life.

I am so anxious and thrilled to see the ways that the Lord continues to allow Ryan to use his gifts.

Seeing Ryan go through this journey has been an incredible learning experience for me as well- a challenge.

How many of my dreams/goals have I put on the backburner or given up on completely because I thought that they were too far out of reach of that I was "dreaming to big"?

As long as I have known Ryan- he has not stopped fighting for and pursuing his dream.
I am so proud and overjoyed in his diligence and his spirit.

Thinking back on Ryan's journey has been a sweet reminder that if the Lord calls us to a task- whether it is to be a rock star or a school teacher- that He will equip us to complete the task and make us look more like Jesus along the journey.


I am thankful for Ryan Kinder and love him to the core. Excited to continue to watch his journey.

Now time for you to look at corny pictures of Ryan/Ryan & I over these past 11 years...
Enjoy and Be Blessed this day!

Through the Rivers.

I do not know about you but the business of the holidays has just about worn me out...The parties, cooking, decorating, sitting in traffic...all while listening to Christmas music and secretly looking forward to this "seasons" departure.

This weekend I was battling the traffic of Highway 31.
A seemingly endless 4 lane road of bumper to bumper cars.
It is a true joy.

I realized that this would be a perfect moment to turn off my Carpenters Christmas album and talk with the Lord- an act that often goes to the side burner when my schedule gets full and my time slim.

(Does this happen to you too? Try turning down that music in the car and being still before the Lord.)

Without really meaning to begin the process- I started to reflect upon the year that has been 2011.

Can you believe that another year has come and gone?
A new one just on the horizon.
2012.
Blows. Me. Away.

This year has been a full and busy one-

To summarize my 2011:

Engagement
Trip to London/Paris
3 best friends married
I became a wife
One best friend had a baby
Many friends moved to new locations
Moved into new home
Completed Degree

Truly the most formative and impacting 365 days of this girls life.
One of the most difficult & joy filled seasons- with more transitions than I have fingers.

I cannot remember the heart of the Amy that started out this New Year.
Is that crazy?

This year has had its moments of utter joy and moments of despair.
I have truly stood a top the Eiffel Tower in Paris and felt on top of the world- and weeks later found myself in tears sitting on my couch in Birmingham trying to figure this life out.

The Lord has been sweet to place people in my life who know the heart of the Amy that I am now. People who call me out when it is needed. People who love me enough to remind me that I cannot do it all on my own. People who hear my heart about where the Lord is leading and push me in the direction of obedience. People that point me to Christ and are forever friends. The Lord is faithful to teach me through my core relationships on a daily basis.

I can only imagine that 2012 will bring with it the same types of mountains and valleys.

What lessons will the Lord teach me in 2012?

What battles will be the hardest to face?

What will the Lord take away from me to bring me closer to Himself?

Where will the Lord send me?


ALL overwhelming questions.

My only hope is that at the end of this year that I look more like Christ.
That I daily submit my ways to the Lord and trust in Him to sustain and protect my life. That I am bold in proclaiming the Gospel.

May I remind you as the Lord has continually reminded me-
This life is not about me or about you.
Even worse- This life is not about my comfort or happiness.

As sons and daughters of the Most High God- our role is to make much of Christ and to be doers of the word and fishers of men!

The ways in the which the Lord will allow us to fulfill these roles are endless- Who knows where the Lord will lead us and how He will call us to serve Him.


A little daunting, Huh?


I found such rest in these words of Isaiah:

"But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and through the rivers,
they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through the fire you shall
not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior."
ch 43. v 1-3a.

As I reflect upon the last year of my life I can say with confidence that I passed through NO rivers, fires or waters without a Savior in my midst.


How sweet is it to face the days ahead knowing that the creator of heaven and earth looks at this mess of a person and says-Amy,You are MINE.

In a world where covenant is temporary, people will fail us and promises are broken- These words could not be more powerful.


I am in tears. God is so good and we need not be afraid.


My prayers is that we move forward to the days, months and years ahead remembering the faithfulness that Christ has shown to us in our past.

This may require us to take a step back from our list of "wishes" that have not yet been granted and really see the goodness and nearness of a Mighty Father.
His fingerprints are all over the place.
He has preserved our life.


Praying for you today. Trust in Him to provide our needs for tomorrow and guide our steps as we move forward in obedience.

A Love Song.

I have a string of thoughts and hopefully they will all come together in the end...

I am a lover of music. A friend asked me over the weekend what I did to calm down- to be still- to gain perspective and be quiet.

My answer was to be alone and listen to music.
I often choose music that is emotional- that evokes thought and feelings that are passionate and sometimes just simply sad.
Is it just messed up that even on a good day I ADORE a good song of heartbreak?

Even over the passed few days I have found myself listening to lots of Phil Collins and Coldplay...
Talk about emotional lyrics...

For example:

"My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm.
This bond between us can't be broken
I will be here, don't you cry"
(You'll Be in My Heart)

"When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah, the truth is that I miss you so
And I'm tired, I should not have let you go..."
(Warning Sign)


How often do I hear these songs and identify them? Try to make them about my life...somehow in some way they apply to me.
Right?

Goodness- I am not sure about you but songs like these tug at my heart strings.
They cause me to yearn for things in this world--- to be loved, missed, treasured and pined for.

I found myself, as I was listening to these songs, asking if I got THIS emotional about God's word.
Did I read scripture and sing songs of worship and have the words bring about such heart tugs, burden and longing for something...


I love this passage in Isaiah...

Chapter 26: 7-9

"The path of the righteous is level;
you make level the way of the righteous.
In the path of your judgements,
O Lord, we wait for you;
your name and remembrance
are the desire of our soul.
My soul yearns for you in the night;
my spirit within me earnestly seeks you."


Talk about emotion. Our soul.

Oh Lord, I YEARN for you. YOU ALONE are my desire. I EARNESTLY seek YOU.

Passion. A true love song.


What does it look like in my life for me to earnestly seek Christ?

Does my soul yearn for God?

I am thankful for this sweet reminder from the Lord that I do not just have to love God and trust Him-
but that I need to YEARN for Him. His word. His very near presence in my life.

To yearn is not just to want. To yearn is to have an intense longing and desire.

A man in the desert YEARNS for water.
A woman without shelter on a cold night YEARNS for a place of rest.
A newborn baby YEARNS for a mothers presence.

We are to YEARN for Christ.
He is worthy of being pined for. In fact- Christ is the only thing worthy of longing, pining and desire.
For He is the only one who can satisfy. sustain. bring joy. give love. provide peace.

I desperately need Jesus.


Mighty God- You are my hiding place. You are my ever present help and closest friend of my heart. You are more than enough for me and all that can sustain. I so often look for satisfaction and affirmation from people. My prayer is that you will instill in me a pining for your spirit and presence. I pray that I earnestly seek you- with each new day. Give me the power to wait on You- For you are my delight. I love you. Amen.

Folded Legs. Thankful Spirit. Sweet Shepherd.

Shepherd.

The Lord is mine.

I have come back to this passage many times over the passed two weeks-

Psalm 23
" The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
forever."

I am so thankful for these words from our God. They are life giving.

If the Lord is the shepherd of my life then I am in turn a SHEEP.

By nature sheep are:
IGNORANT
LOST
UNAWARE OF THEIR NEEDS
CARELESS
WANDERERS

These animals do not know when to eat or sleep.
They do not know which direction to go.
They do not perceive danger and they walk right into traps and toil.

Sheep without a shepherd are lost. in danger. without hope.

I am without Christ lost. in danger. without hope.

How long, O Lord, will I ignore your rod and staff that are meant to comfort me and not just to restrict me?
I so often find the Lord's guidance in my life to be inconvenient, painful and not at all falling into my lines of pleasure.

I heard in a sermon once that sheep are so ignorant and helpless that shepherds literally must FOLD THEIR LEGS for them so that they will rest.

We see an example of this in the Psalm...The Lord MAKES ME LIE DOWN in green pastures...

I feel that this has been true of my life lately.
The Lord has folded my legs.
Made me immobile.
Kept me right where I am.

Why I ask?
Why Lord can you not just tell me what next step to take...?
Why Lord can you not allow me to get up and act...?
Why Lord am I still here right where you left me folded...?

I am learning the value in being still.

I am finding satisfaction in trusting Christ and following in His leading-
whether beside still waters or in the valley of the shadow of death.


Our Good Shepherd has given His life for His Sheep.

This sheep deserves death but has been given life.

That is worth seeing and savoring.

I have lately enjoyed reading through old hymns...I loved this one I found titled "The Good Shepherd"

"My Savior the good Shepherd is,
He'll never leave the flock.
The One Who truly loves the sheep,
Became the Lamb of God.

Despised, afflicted in my stead,
He spent His soul for me.
And to the slaughter He was led,
That I not thirsty be.
My Shepherd is the Lamb of God,
He calls to me each day,
To drink the waters flowing free,
From His pierced side of grace.
Yet when I stray or choose my way,
He still would search for me,
And bring me home on shoulders strong.
Do I not His love see?

My Shepherd's face is how I live,
I love to look at Him.
Though He might lead through shearing trial,
But still I follow Him.
Just as the Father's presence cheered
Him through each suffering day,
'Tis once I saw His tender care
That here I want to stay.

Oh, Father thank You for Your Son,
He shares Your heart for us.
That gladly He would bear us to
The bosom of Your love.
No greater Shepherd could there be,
That He would not lose one!
And lead us all to dwell with You.
Sweet Pasture, Living Stream."


Fellow Sheep- Trust in our Good Shepherd.
He is worthy.

Hallelujah- All I have is Christ

Over the past few weeks I have had some of the sweetest and most genuine conversations with people that I love dearly.
God is at work in the heart's of those around me and I am so excited to feel His presence at work and be a small part.

In my life have been placed true saints of the faith, brothers and sisters who love me despite the ugliness of my heart and people who point me to Jesus. Those who truly know my heart can be counted on one hand and they are forever friends.

These conversations that I have been so moved by have been centered around one specific idea- belief- life changing state of the heart.

I sat in a worship service led by one of my dearest friends last week and the words that were sung summarize this thought-

"Hallelujah- All I have is Christ. Hallelujah- Jesus is my life"

Words so simple to the ear-- yet powerful enough when grasped to change a life. All we have is Christ. Jesus is my life.


In the whirlwind of wedding, moving and getting settled into a new season of life- I must be the first to admit that I do not live this single-minded life.

I have been enthralled in Elisabeth Elliot's work titled "Let me be a Woman".
It thrills my heart to have found a book written for women that is not about being pure or being a noble wife.
This may sound like an odd phrase to come from the mouth of a girl whose entire life is sold out to loving and living life alongside girls.
The reason that I ADORE this work is because it is about helping us as daughters of the Most High know what our identity in Christ is about....not so that we can be good wives, daughters, mothers, etc....but so that we can make much of Jesus.

Allow me to share a paragraph found in my reading this past week- As I read it tears immediately came...I felt as though my prayers and desires of my heart had already been put into print...

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever"

I must admit that I am crying now reading through that prayer again. It is strong. It is devastating. It will RUIN my life.

A ruined life of mine does not sound so bad anymore.
I am so tired of Amy's plans, dreams and hopes.
They are selfish and for my own glory.

The Lord has made me uncomfortably aware that this life is not about my pleasure, success or happiness.

Oh that I would beg the Lord to USE ME, SEND ME, WORK OUT THY WILL...at any cost. Today and Forevermore.

To mean these words are to surrender. To give my all utterly to Christ.

Brothers and Sisters- There is no better thing to ask of our Abba Father than to remove everything about me from myself and replace it with nothing but the things of Christ.

Such removal from self will certainly bring sacrifice- pain- fear -valleys.
Our nature is to nurture ourselves into a pleased stupor to the point where we don't need Jesus.

I do not know what it will look like as I continue to understand what it means to allow the Lord to fill me and seal me no matter the cost. However I trust that the more I seek Christ the more He will reveal Himself to me. The more I know Christ the more I will love Him and be satisfied in Him. Suffering will be refine my spirit. Pain will draw me to the mercy seat. Fear and anxiousness will remind me that I cannot live without the Good Shepherd's rod and staff that are sure to comfort me.


My prayer tonight is that we take the leap that truly let's the Lord have us. Our hearts, desires and everything in between.

LIfe as a follower of Christ will not be comfortable, easy or predictable- But if we truly are satisfied in Christ and allow Jesus to become the treasure of our lives we will know that it is not about comfort or having a plan. Our lives as followers of Christ are about taking the gospel to the ends of the earth. To make much of Christ in abundance or in need!

King Jesus- We love you. You are good and enough. Allow me this day to surrender all of myself to you knowing that you do not withhold any good thing from those who seek you faithfully. I so often try to hold on to the things of my heart that are dear for fear that you might ask me to let go or give them up for the sake of the gospel. Father- give me the boldness to live my life with opened hands trusting that your plan is far better than mine. To give up the things that I hold dear means entrusting the deepest parts of my heart to you. Help me to trust you, your timing and your will for my life. Help me to surrender all of me for your name sake. Let your Kingdom come and will be done in me this day. -Amen