Free at last...

"Oh Lord- surely you would not ask me to give up these plans. This person. This dream."
"Father- you would certainly not ask of me to let go of such an incredible opportunity"
"Jesus- you would not ask of me to say goodbye to something I hold so dear"


Welcome, brothers and sisters, into the depths of my most recent prayers and cries of my heart.

God is teaching me what it is to surrender.
What it feels like to let go of things that I am holding in my hands so tightly...
to release my grip would is quite a task...

What are these things I am holding to so tightly you ask?
They are quite simple, really.

Have you ever prayed to our Lord and said...

"Father, Use me! Send me! However- please do not send me anywhere where I cannot easily communicate with my family or the ones I love..."

or...

"Dear Lord, Here I am. Take my life at any cost. But please do not ask me to give up my dreams of becoming...etc...etc..."

I am SO often conditional in my surrender.

But by definition- surrender has no conditions.
If I am to surrender-I am to SURRENDER ALL.
Give it up.
Pass it along.
Open my grip and keep my hand flat and fingers apart.

This task is one that can be done only by the help of a God who honors obedience and asks us to trust Him with our spirits and souls.


WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING SO TIGHTLY?
A relationship? A dream? A fear? An opportunity?

I had the opportunity to go to Passion in Atlanta two weeks ago and worship with 45,000 of my closest friends and neighbors.
Overwhelming to say the least.

On the first night of worship- as I sat in the very tip top of the Georgia dome- the Lord placed in front of me an anthem...
Specifically for me. (Out of all those people...neat huh?)

LET IT BE MY JOY TO SAY...YOUR WILL...YOUR WAY...ALWAYS.

My mouth dropped. I could not sing these words- not until I swallowed what my words meant.
This is exactly the kind of prayer I have been avoiding.
I was moved to see the words cross the screen-
and honestly ticked off that the Lord was picking on me.
Getting to me in a place where I can all but avoid exactly what He was trying to tell me.

"Amy- Give up. Surrender. Follow me. Trust me."

I would love to say that my desires and the Lord's always parallel-
that MY WAY and the LORDS WAY are always the same.

But that is most often not the case.

The Lord's way is tried and true a better way. The best way.
However-it is so hard to give up our plans and the ways that we saw our lives to play out...

I cannot help but think of Paul.

Did this brother in Christ imagine that one day God would place Him in a jail cell?
Was this a part of Paul's (or younger Saul's) dream?

I doubt it.

Somewhere along Paul's journey he grasped a concept that I so desperately want to cling to myself-
To live is Christ. To die is gain.

Here these words of SURRENDER that he wrote while in a jail cell-


But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
(Philippians 3:7-11 ESV)

O. My. Word.

Father may my heart me so in tune with your very spirit that I can truly count EVERYTHING as a loss.
Because you are worthy.

Letting go will be tough. My hands being opened and forced a part will be trying-
but at the end of that process there will be a life that is totally surrendered to the will of a God who is intentional and good.


Father God- Loosen my grip. Help me trust you and count all that I consider dear a loss compared to You. In you there is life abundant and all that I need. My very spirit is not mine- but is yours to mold, lead, guide and move. Have your way in me. Restore my soul for your name sake. Amen.


Free at last, I surrender all I am with opened hands.