I am stubborn.
I like to have a plan.
I try to do it all on my own.
Why?
Because on many days I believe in my heart of hearts that I can handle it.
I think that I can collaborate with myself- and sometimes the Lord- and get it all worked out without having to go outside of me.
I do not always do this out of pride-
often I try to handle things on my own so that I can lift a burden from family members or try and withhold heart ache from people that I love.
I can be the strong kid who does not cry in front of a crowd when tribulation comes.
I can hold it in until I am on my own or crying with my best friends on the phone.
I enjoy and find comfort in control.
In this same "control" mindset-
I am a list maker.
A note taker.
I find comfort in starting my day knowing what needs to be done before I lay my head down in the evenings.
Those who spend lots of time around me know this to be the case.
During some event seasons it seems that I am in possesion of a clip board with a sharpie pen more than I am likely to be found wearing shoes.
I rely heavily on being organized and having my schedule.
This is not always a bad thing-
but lately I have been convicted of my reliance on these lists and independence of spirit.
The Lord has revealed to me the danger in this independence and need for my plans to be seen to completion- and done all in my own power.
I am in the midst of a wonderful study-
PLUG: you should all read "Instruments in the Redeemers Hands" by Paul David Tripp and even further should do the "Instruments in the Redeemers Hands: How to help others change Study Guide" by P.D. Tripp.
Solid. Quality. Worth your time.
PLUG OVER.
This study intrigued me because more than I love to help myself-
I LOVE to help people.
It is my joy.
The first couple of weeks have focused on how to prepare our hearts to be "people of change".
I was quickly convicted.
I am not truly a person of change unless I am willing to be changed-
from the inside out.
Being changed from the inside out requires the giving up of command.
The passing of the baton.
SURRENDER of SELF.
If I am not constantly surrendering myself to the Lord and examining where I am struggling I will be a vision of
Hebrews 3:12-13
"Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today", that none of you may be hardened by deceitfulness of sin."
Taking control of my life into my own hands is progressively dangerous.
How may I be used in the lives of others when I am spiritually blind?
Stay with me- prayerfully this will come full circle.
Relying on self results in relying on my own strength and ability.
In my own strength-
I am exhausted.
I cannot do it.
I am not enough.
And y'all...I am not always trying to rely on myself to do selfish things.
I try to serve the Lord without the Lords strength-
every. day.
I often find myself in the situation where I am doing things for people- serving them- and wearing myself out.
I do not know how to say no or let myself ask for help.
I toss and turn at night trying to work out wisdom for a friend in my head without asking the Lord for guidance and wisdom- excruciating!
Are you with me?
This need for control has got to go.
My TOTAL reliance on my list must let up.
In the loudest way the Lord showed up in worship this past Sunday-
our pastor was teaching on Colossians 1:24-29.
One of the verses that we meditated and focused on was verse 29.
"For this I toil, struggle with all his energy that he powerfully works within me"
Notice that toiling and struggling was not removed-
but look once more at from whom the energy to survive this toiling and struggling is being received.
From me?
Nope.
It is HIS energy IN ME.
Earlier in the passage in verse 27 it says that Christ IN us is the hope of glory.
Not Christ with me.
Not me plus Christ.
BUT
CHRIST IN ME
The only HOPE OF GLORY.
Yes- I will toil- be exhausted-
worn out and emptied-
but with all of HIS energy he will powerfully work WITHIN ME.
My desire is to proclaim Christ with my life and to daily be an instrument of change in the lives of others- but this will not happen until I surrender my control and admit my need for Jesus.
THEN- and only then-
will I see my tasks as a joy from the Lord and know that I can tackle them with confidence for Christ is in me and will do a mighty work within me.
Equipping me to fulfill His purposes for His glory.
There is nothing wrong with a list-
and I will continue to make them...
but with a different heart.
I cannot do it on my own or in my own strength.
I can have a plan but always have a heart willing for my road ahead to be shifted and changed.
I can be exhausted but not because I am trying to conquer the world on my own.
I will never be a light until I turn myself to Jesus.
There is simply no other way to be a person of change and vessel of the Gospel.
My prayers this week are:
1. That I am intentional in daily VERBALLY submitting my ways to Christ
*I use time in my car to talk with the Lord. It is a built in time of quiet every day to be at His feet.
2. That I make time to spend time with the Lord for the sake of knowing Him more- not just to check my daily reading off the list or to prepare to teach a study
*I study best at night. I enjoy a hot cup of decaf coffee, empty journal pages and sweet time with the Lord in His word.
3. That I am intentional and prayerful about my life communicating Christ to those around me
*All of our lives are communicating something. What does your life communicate?
Brothers and Sisters- may we hold each other accountable in reminding those close to our hearts to rely on Christ- and not ourselves. We will fail us- our God is infallible.
Let's humble ourselves before the Almighty- that is where we will find true rest and true control.
"For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake" 2 Corinthians 4:5
-
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Within the veil
I walked in from work on Tuesday and came straight onto the back porch with my journal.
Finally- all of my thoughts & prayers were on the tip of my tongue!
These words are bursting at the seams.
I promise you- if they are not put to paper my eyes may just pop out.
___________________________________________________
A haze.
If I were to describe my spirit over the season of the last few weeks that is all I can come up with.
The Byrd house has been busy.
Family. Friends. Work. Serve. Events. Parties. Football. And repeat.
There have been moments when I feel motivated and refreshed.
Yet- after the passing of a day I feel a sort shadow.
Not because I am tired (even though I am!) but more my spirit is in an unsettled place.
What is this?
I still have not figured it out.
Ido not like...despise the dark.
When I was in elementary school I had a recurring dream.
I was walking down the road at our family farm- bright stars and full moon-
And then a point in the road came where there was a thick fog.
I could not see the steps in front of me.
What was ahead was a mystery and if I moved forward it would be in complete blindness.
I always woke up without taking the step.
(If the dream had gone further I am sure I would have turned around and run back to “safety”)
This is the same sort of uncertainty that I am feeling now.
The days ahead are a haze.
A thick cloud of uncertainty and unseen territory.
I was reminded earlier in the week as I was thinking through this scenario that
the haze is not necessarily a bad, dangerous or frightening thing.
It is the idea of the fog, or what may be within it, that pushes us to fear.
It is the uneasiness of seemingly unsteady ground that makes us stop in our path and want to run to comfort.
But..
“..we are always of good courage…for we walk by faith, not by sight” ( from 2 Corinthians 5:6-7)
I am so addicted to and dependent on MY sight.
However- the Lord is showing me, in an uncomfortable way, what being blind will let me see.
Are you with me?
This passed Monday during a time of worship a chorus of a familiar hymn struck me
with great might:
“When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil “
With tears in my eyes I was tenderly reminded by our sweet Abba Father of His unchanging grace in the midst of uncertainty.
Even within the veil, my anchor holds.
I can REST in Him
I will not be moved.
Here I sit on the porch with the most precious and perfect breeze crossing my face and I am overwhelmed with the presence of my anchor.
What lies ahead of me, no matter seen or unseen, will not consume me or take me under.
The darkness does not have to bring me to fear if I remember with whom I am walking with and towards.
Yes, Lord.
Our anchor holds within the veil.
My challenge to you this day is to pray for the boldness and obedience to Christ to follow him into the fog.
He will certainly lead us into unfamiliar territory- and we are called to follow.
The Lord will ask of us things that are without worldly assurance- but He will equip us with all that we need to fulfill His purposes.
As I mentioned earlier- I think that the little girl in my dream would have turned around and run for comfort if the dream had continued.
However- this little girl that sits here and types these words is praying for the Lord to give her the boldness to step into the fog and walk boldly- knowing that my anchor holds and His grace is sufficient for this sheep.
Trust the Lord in the haze.
Do not let it stop you from taking steps forward or following where the Lord is leading.
Allow it to be used to draw you closer to our Heavenly Father.
“I pray for you, that all your misgivings will be melted to thanksgivings. Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons.”
― Jim Elliot
Finally- all of my thoughts & prayers were on the tip of my tongue!
These words are bursting at the seams.
I promise you- if they are not put to paper my eyes may just pop out.
___________________________________________________
A haze.
If I were to describe my spirit over the season of the last few weeks that is all I can come up with.
The Byrd house has been busy.
Family. Friends. Work. Serve. Events. Parties. Football. And repeat.
There have been moments when I feel motivated and refreshed.
Yet- after the passing of a day I feel a sort shadow.
Not because I am tired (even though I am!) but more my spirit is in an unsettled place.
What is this?
I still have not figured it out.
I
When I was in elementary school I had a recurring dream.
I was walking down the road at our family farm- bright stars and full moon-
And then a point in the road came where there was a thick fog.
I could not see the steps in front of me.
What was ahead was a mystery and if I moved forward it would be in complete blindness.
I always woke up without taking the step.
(If the dream had gone further I am sure I would have turned around and run back to “safety”)
This is the same sort of uncertainty that I am feeling now.
The days ahead are a haze.
A thick cloud of uncertainty and unseen territory.
I was reminded earlier in the week as I was thinking through this scenario that
the haze is not necessarily a bad, dangerous or frightening thing.
It is the idea of the fog, or what may be within it, that pushes us to fear.
It is the uneasiness of seemingly unsteady ground that makes us stop in our path and want to run to comfort.
But..
“..we are always of good courage…for we walk by faith, not by sight” ( from 2 Corinthians 5:6-7)
I am so addicted to and dependent on MY sight.
However- the Lord is showing me, in an uncomfortable way, what being blind will let me see.
Are you with me?
This passed Monday during a time of worship a chorus of a familiar hymn struck me
with great might:
“When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil “
With tears in my eyes I was tenderly reminded by our sweet Abba Father of His unchanging grace in the midst of uncertainty.
Even within the veil, my anchor holds.
I can REST in Him
I will not be moved.
Here I sit on the porch with the most precious and perfect breeze crossing my face and I am overwhelmed with the presence of my anchor.
What lies ahead of me, no matter seen or unseen, will not consume me or take me under.
The darkness does not have to bring me to fear if I remember with whom I am walking with and towards.
Yes, Lord.
Our anchor holds within the veil.
My challenge to you this day is to pray for the boldness and obedience to Christ to follow him into the fog.
He will certainly lead us into unfamiliar territory- and we are called to follow.
The Lord will ask of us things that are without worldly assurance- but He will equip us with all that we need to fulfill His purposes.
As I mentioned earlier- I think that the little girl in my dream would have turned around and run for comfort if the dream had continued.
However- this little girl that sits here and types these words is praying for the Lord to give her the boldness to step into the fog and walk boldly- knowing that my anchor holds and His grace is sufficient for this sheep.
Trust the Lord in the haze.
Do not let it stop you from taking steps forward or following where the Lord is leading.
Allow it to be used to draw you closer to our Heavenly Father.
“I pray for you, that all your misgivings will be melted to thanksgivings. Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons.”
― Jim Elliot
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