No Turning Back

Vulnerability, I am finding, is something that is necessary in knowing and loving people.

In this mind frame- I will now be raw with you.

I have a FEAR.
Something that has been in the back of my spirit and heart since January 2nd of 2011.

Here it is...
I am frightened that I am going to wake up at the age of 50 with a successful business-owning husband, 3 darling kids, our dream home and as comfortable in our lives as can be.

So comfortable that we don't see our need for Jesus.
That we coast.
That we do not follow the Lord into
the valleys of the shadow of death
with great hope. That we do not praise
the Lord for our victories.

Do you see it?

Does this scare you like it scares me?

Let me see if I can make this real for you.

We (William and I) are in a season of life currently where we feel as though our decisions TODAY will greatly effect our decisions in the future.

Our five months of marriage so far have been an incredible and trying season of learning to love and trust Christ more than ever- and learning to love and trust one another. More than ever.

We have oodles of decisions to make about our new family.

How important is the gospel in our marriage?
How will we spend our time and money?
Who will our new "newly married" community be?
Will we consistently talk about the Lord with each other?
Will prayer be a vital part of our marriage?
Is serving Christ TOGETHER a priority?

All questions that seem to have simple and many obvious answers- however- we have found that unless we are intentional and more importantly prayerful about these decisions WE WILL MAKE THE WRONG ONES.

If we are not mindful- we will goes days without talking about or talking together with the Lord.
It is easy.

If it is not a priority- we will not budget finances so that we can give to those who are in need.

If it is not discussed- we will not by happenstance find ourselves serving others together.

It would incredibly easy for us to sink into a comfortable life.
The wedding is over. We are both blessed with work. Work that keeps us busy 24/7.
Time to coast...take a rest...Right?

My heart cries out...NO NO NO

There is work to be done.
Ministry to happen.
People to love.
A gospel to be proclaimed with our lives.

My FEAR is that I am going to trade in my daily dying to self for the comforts of a routine life.
That I would choose "normal" rather than an unimaginable life that the Lord has planned for me.

Are you with me?

I volunteered this past weekend at a conference centered on Orphan Care.
I am not quite ready to share thoughts here because I have not properly prayed or processed-
but I am confident enough to tell you that the Lord was near and (as a new and dear friend says)...
"gloriously ruined" me for the name sake of King Jesus.

I am sure of a call on our lives to care for the fatherless.
I get emotional when I think of the things my eyes have been opened to.

BUT- How long will it take for this passion to go away?

If I do not DAILY submit my life, my plans, my possessions & my passions to CHRIST I will sway towards the ways of this world.

I will become more passionate about updating my countertops from plastic to granite that I am about ministering to my Muslim neighbor.
I will become consumed with saving money for an elaborate family cruise and less worried about giving to the church and to those who are in need.

In a blink- the faces of many in need that currently bring me to instant tears could become an afterthought. A people group I was once aware of and involved in serving.

Dear Lord- Let this not be so.

This life is not meant to be a game of SURVIVAL- but a life of SERVICE for the cause of a savior who came on earth, fully man and fully God, lived a perfect life and died the most horrendous death so that we may LIVE.

To survive- to just reach even my grandest "American dream" would be FILTHY RAGS in comparison to a life of mine (and my families) that is devoted to making much of our mighty God.

I am in need of a revival in my spirit.
Not just every once in a while- but EVERY DAY.

The kind where I wake up and with my first breath devote my day to the Lord.
That Jesus would be in the center of all that I do, say, think and pray.

As we have said before- and will say again- a life devoted to Christ will have deep valleys and moments of despair- but we have HOPE in a risen savior. Victory in Jesus. Who sought us- bought us and asks us to take up our crosses and follow Him- to the valley of the shadow of death and to the highest mountain peak.

He never lets go. He is at our sides- before us and following closely behind.

Why would I survive when I may LIVE?

As corny as it sounds- this hits home with me tonight-
Are you simply surviving OR are you living for Jesus?

I have tried to incorporate several incredibly vital passages into this entry- however I was just about to copy and paste ALL of Phillipians into the box.

Our brother Paul (formerly Saul) did not just SURVIVE.
He said to LIVE was CHRIST. Read it.
Be encouraged and challenged. Please.

If you are surviving- I will pray for you. Because to go from a comfortable survival to a walk-by-faith living will be difficult and will involve sacrifice. A worthy giving up self so that we may gain Christ.

If you are living- I will pray for you. That you will continue to daily die to self and live for Christ. Knowing that suffering will come- trusting that we will have joy even still- and living in a victory that is already won.


Many blessing to you this day.

-A