Finally- all of my thoughts & prayers were on the tip of my tongue!
These words are bursting at the seams.
I promise you- if they are not put to paper my eyes may just pop out.
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A haze.
If I were to describe my spirit over the season of the last few weeks that is all I can come up with.
The Byrd house has been busy.
Family. Friends. Work. Serve. Events. Parties. Football. And repeat.
There have been moments when I feel motivated and refreshed.
Yet- after the passing of a day I feel a sort shadow.
Not because I am tired (even though I am!) but more my spirit is in an unsettled place.
What is this?
I still have not figured it out.
I
When I was in elementary school I had a recurring dream.
I was walking down the road at our family farm- bright stars and full moon-
And then a point in the road came where there was a thick fog.
I could not see the steps in front of me.
What was ahead was a mystery and if I moved forward it would be in complete blindness.
I always woke up without taking the step.
(If the dream had gone further I am sure I would have turned around and run back to “safety”)
This is the same sort of uncertainty that I am feeling now.
The days ahead are a haze.
A thick cloud of uncertainty and unseen territory.
I was reminded earlier in the week as I was thinking through this scenario that
the haze is not necessarily a bad, dangerous or frightening thing.
It is the idea of the fog, or what may be within it, that pushes us to fear.
It is the uneasiness of seemingly unsteady ground that makes us stop in our path and want to run to comfort.
But..
“..we are always of good courage…for we walk by faith, not by sight” ( from 2 Corinthians 5:6-7)
I am so addicted to and dependent on MY sight.
However- the Lord is showing me, in an uncomfortable way, what being blind will let me see.
Are you with me?
This passed Monday during a time of worship a chorus of a familiar hymn struck me
with great might:
“When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil “
With tears in my eyes I was tenderly reminded by our sweet Abba Father of His unchanging grace in the midst of uncertainty.
Even within the veil, my anchor holds.
I can REST in Him
I will not be moved.
Here I sit on the porch with the most precious and perfect breeze crossing my face and I am overwhelmed with the presence of my anchor.
What lies ahead of me, no matter seen or unseen, will not consume me or take me under.
The darkness does not have to bring me to fear if I remember with whom I am walking with and towards.
Yes, Lord.
Our anchor holds within the veil.
My challenge to you this day is to pray for the boldness and obedience to Christ to follow him into the fog.
He will certainly lead us into unfamiliar territory- and we are called to follow.
The Lord will ask of us things that are without worldly assurance- but He will equip us with all that we need to fulfill His purposes.
As I mentioned earlier- I think that the little girl in my dream would have turned around and run for comfort if the dream had continued.
However- this little girl that sits here and types these words is praying for the Lord to give her the boldness to step into the fog and walk boldly- knowing that my anchor holds and His grace is sufficient for this sheep.
Trust the Lord in the haze.
Do not let it stop you from taking steps forward or following where the Lord is leading.
Allow it to be used to draw you closer to our Heavenly Father.
“I pray for you, that all your misgivings will be melted to thanksgivings. Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons.”
― Jim Elliot
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